Updates to playlist: Guitar Music

Blank O — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 02:42:01 -0000

Updates to playlist: Dance and Trance

Blank O — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:22:53 -0000

Ave Maria

Blank O — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:27:04 -0000

Jerusalem Horse Ride by Jesper Kyd - www.jesperkyd.com

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:27:59 -0000

City of Jerusalem by Jesper Kyd - www.jesperkyd.com

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:27:57 -0000

New York Infiltration Part 2 3 by Behavior

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:27:34 -0000

NewYork Infiltration Part 1 by Behavior

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:27:05 -0000

Iceland Infiltratio Part 1 by Behavior

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:26:05 -0000

Iceland Fight Theme 360 by Behavior

Blank O — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:25:52 -0000

Insignificance

Blank O — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 23:36:39 -0000

Words said or written down are like nails hammered on the wall. There is no way you can remove it. Even if you did, there will be a hole, which none can redo.

Do you still remember what you wrote to me? Can you still remember what you gave me? Do you remember what we said to each other more than half a year ago? Or does it mean nothing to you now?

I held on to your every word. I held on to them so tightly because they gave me warmth, they gave me strength, they gave me truth. Your words, your presence, your love, meant the world to me. But every word that I can remember now pains my heart so.

You left me.

I felt abandoned. I felt betrayed, because everytime I tried to call you, to talk to you, I did not get any response. And everytime I tried to understand what wrong I had done to you, I ended up finding myself lost. I tried to make amends. I waited to see. I wanted to know everything that I had done to hurt you because I loved you. But you couldn't tell me what it was, you just couldn't. What was I supposed to do? With what little I knew and could know, I felt lost. Is it not natural that I tried to assume? I felt that I was being avoided. I felt that I had become shunned by you. This is how I felt and how I still feel. Does that matter to you?

Still I cry.

Now, more than ever. At nights, when I am alone, and the silence of the night speaks to me, I can still hear your voice. How distant you are, but still so close. When you come to me in my dreams, I cry. When I hear the songs that you used to play, I cry. When my friend tells me about his darling, about the "break" that he is going through with her, and about how she still promises to talk with him, I cry.

You told me that men don't cry. Your mother told me that men don't cry. My sister, my friends, my mother, my father, my conscious all told me "Men don't cry." But why can men not let their deepest feelings of sadness flow? I am still as much person with feelings as anyone. I am as much as a person with a heart as you. I am not denying what I feel. Because everything that you still say and do matters to me. My anger is just the same as my sadness. Do you know how I feel? Can you fathom how I feel? Do you ever consider what you write on your blog and what pictures you show and words you speak in your photo album? I am hurt because I have heard nothing from you, and yet you will speak and give thanks to strangers and men who admire you. Does that mean nothing to you?

I never meant to hurt you. You can not begin to fathom how much I regret having ever hurt you. And still I wish to make up for it. But you won't seem to give me that chance. This is my guilt.

If putting me out as if I were a tiny flame on a candle is how you can forget your pain...

My selfishness...

I am selfish. I agree with you. Guilt is a part of selfishness.

I no longer deny it. I am myself when I am angry, when I am sad, when I am loved and happy. This is my sin.