◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX)

Poll - Do you value your life?

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 16:22:17 -0000

Entry#6]May9-10

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Mon, 11 May 2009 13:08:21 -0000

After running around NewYork City trying to get my stuff back,i finally went home Saturday afternoon.
As i awaited paitently for my mom to come back from home,she instantly demanded an explanation,but i couldnt say anything b/c i didnt have any water.when i drank some,my mom and her brother that ow lived with me again was getting info off of me.they couldnt believe that i was in jail until i showed my mom the recipt for my property.after showering,my mom confronted me about my last blog entry and misinterpreted on what i said about her and thought i was slandering her,so took some sissors while my hair was tied back and cut it off and took me to a barber shop the nextr morning.my uncle now wants to run my life at home military style...they tell me its all for a change...but i dont see what setting rules and changing my apperance has anything to do with that...i can control myself,i dont need these boundaries to tell me to go to school or not,i was going to on my own will to finish getting that diploma and making something of my self,i even planed on moving away on the summer to start my life over...but lets just see what else life has to throw at me...

Untitled Entries of a Chained Angel

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Sat, 09 May 2009 14:18:34 -0000

One - Metalica

Entry#1] Apr21-Apr23
I was told on this day of a prophecy where something so trechous to me would happen that i would lose the ones i love the most...and the next day i ended up getting arrested with another Petit Larceny under my belt.As i sat in that priecnt,i was hoping that wouldnt go to jail because of the court cases on the following week...
night passes,i was to be seen by a judge by the name of Wienburg,who is notorious for unnessasry sentences...and by my luck,i was sentenced to be held until May7 with a bail of $2450.when the took me out of that courtroom,i felt as if everything i thought i knew in reality was slipping away as my fantasies disappear.I was cuffed again and taken to a bus that would transport me to the jail facility known as Rikers Island,wich is rumored to be a NewYorkCity version of Alkatraz in California.I cried myself to sleep on the ride.I woke up and saw the main entrance.its basically a huge island with gates all over it with 6 huge ass buildings and some smaller ones in between.the bus took me to one of the main ones in the back.in there,they took several hours to file my paperwork as i sat there,staring into the walls with no emotion reflecting in my eyes.from there i was taken to a strange dorm for newly admitted adolecents (16-18yr olds).i sat in the bed they assigned me and i wrote down what happend for my own personal discretion...i want to tell ppl what ive experienced.i laid to rest and hoped that it was all a dream.

Entry#2] Apr24-26
*in my sleep* this is all a dream...when i wake,all i see is my room *opens eyes,then immediatley closes them out of dissapointment*
after being served bird seed for breakfeast,i migh as well jot down my surruondings.
basically,every building on the island has cell blocks called "housing areas".this one is called Mod1.its a dorm with 50beds that are used to hold new admitees for 3-4 days to be classified.it also had some murals on the wall of certain independant leaders such as Lena Horn,Harriet Tubman,and even one of President Obama.in the dorm,theres a small room with a series of chairs and a tv.its called a Dayroom.in a day room is where inmates spend recreational time,watch tv,and eat their meals (its labled as feedings here though).After realizing it was a friend of mine's birthday,i felt more like shit than usual b/c i promised her that i'd be on for her.i slept through most of the day to pass the time.on saturday,one of the gyms in my building had an underground wrestling orginization throw a show for all the adolecents in each housing area.it consisted of 3 singles,a tag,and a title match.after that was done,an old wrestler form the WWE named Demolition Blast came and lectured the gym.when i went back to my dorm,i realized that i was supposed to be watching a Mets game with my family and some relatives,and my mom told me not to do another "disappearing act",but i wasnt expecting it to happen though...
speaking of my mom,the next day was my mom's 40th birthday.in the dorm,there were 2 phones for the inmates to use.when i called,it said i already used my call for the day,wich got me pissed,allow me to explain.when admitted,you are told your "Book and Case Number" wich is how they identify you,and you are given a PIN.i tried to call my mom on the day i got locked up,but she didnt pick up,so i guess some guy copies my PIN whie i was punching it in and got my B/C# off an ID i was issued when i was asleep.so,i just slept so more and tried to detain myself,b/c thoughts of my gf leaving me and my family being worried or enjoying themselves was rushing through my head.i dont think my mom cared if i called or not b/c she tried getting me here a long time ago,not like i could call her any more anyways.

Entry#3]Apr 27-Apr29
after some terrible food at 5am,i was finally sorted,wich scared me b/c i feared that i was going to hostile area,and i wanted to live to see my court date on the 7th.i was taken to an area called 1lower.there are 2 sides to it called North and South.there were 30+ cells along with a shower room in a diangal hallway.the kitchen (nicknamed pantry) was in the middle of both sides,wich is sepreated by a booth for the CorrectionOfficers to be in and serve as a divider for both sides.the day room,well...it looked like a cafeteria i see in jail mvies,only with a tv.i was taken into my cell wich had a machine operated door and a bed and a huge window,a sink,and a toilet.it was type-small all together.in a few hours,all the inmates form each housing area in the building was taken to a floor with classrooms in it...yea,they make you go to school in jail.i took a test that was used to sort me and i got an 87avg.but before i was sent to my new class,a kid assulted a CO,so they called back up,took him to the staircase,and beat the dogshit out of him,then bought him back up for us all to see the blood all over him.after that,i was in my class,wich was taught by this hot korean teacher named Ms.Hwang.she told me that its a mixed course GED prep class,then announced to the class that there was going to be a special long term assignment tomorrow.turns out that we did a music review on every song off the new JadaKiss album "Last Kiss".but anyways,when i ent back to the housing area,i was sitting in a table in the back of the dayroom,and immediatley got taunted,calling me a "Dayroom Nigga",wich i eventually found out meaning someone who actually behaves in a dayroom,such as no talking,obeying the COs,etc.but one of the guys i was cool with named Demitrious "Shellz" helped me out.eventually i got along with everone in there,even though i amolst got raped by some guy named "Dudey".but late at Wednsday night,a CO told me to pack up b/c i was on "the wrong side".apparently,i was on southside,wich only houses 18yr olds,Northside was for 16+17.i was warned that North is more hostile.i came over to that side...ready for more sadness.

Entry#4]Apr30-May6
all i can do is write all that happens here...for my mentality and for those who want to hear this when i get out( if i get out).around 1am,one of the kids who was helping out with the overnight tour came up to my cell with a flashlight,trying to get my B/C# and PIN off of me,and i refused to do so...wich lead to me getting beaten in the morning as soon as i got locked-out for school.they sent me to the clinc later and they tried to persuade me to go to the Mental Observance house b/c they saw my old scars on my arms...i immediatley declined.there are two places i dont want to be in...Jail and an aslylum...im already locked-up,so i didnt want to be in both at once.but anyways,when i came back into my housing area,i got jumped by the 4 kids that "run the crib".i managed to fight back,breaking one of their jaws and arm,but it wast enough.days passed in here,some of the guys looked like they were scared of me because i dont say a word and look aimlessly with no emotion reflecting off my eyes,as if i was going to jump on them and bite off their Adam'sApple because i was suggested to be an MO.i almost got raped by another guy who actually is convicted for raping a dude.and sometimes,i'd cry myself to sleep in my cell b/c of what ive been through and what i wonder of the outside world.i felt like making a noose out of my blanket...but i knew better not to...i was so close to the 7th...hoping that i go home.on the 5th,nothing happend except for a guy dry-fucking me 6 times,and on the 6th,everyone all of the sudden was cool with me.it was really confusing.
i laid to rest for one last time i hope for this place...

Entry#5]May7
they woke me up at 4am after falling asleep at midnight b/c eveyone wasmaking noise everynight.after 4hours in waiting near the exit of the bulding,i was chained to some random guy to go on the bus that takes everyone to court.6 more hours pass,and i finally see the lawyer for my case.she kissed my forhead,as if she already knew what ive been through.she said hat she was sorry for that i did all that time over something stupid and that the judge was going to let me go.at 9pm,i left the courtroom,ready to face the world......

Finality

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:06:24 -0000

i wasnt bought to this Earth to be loved,to make those happy,pr anything of the sort....only to be contained and treated like the piece of shit that i am
every cut,every violation,all lead to these final days...
i look at the wounds on my body and i see how clinically insane i really am

and now,my 2 larcenies and my old 6" blade,Knifey,is putting me in a beaten road in my life that everyone wanted me to follow all along
deep down,i knew i wasnt worth any of this,i think back to when i shouldve killed my self when i had the chance,and how the world couldve been,i wouldnt live to see the destruction i have caused,to feel the darkness that surrounds my shattered heart,the peircing eyes of those i have shamed.
I have a limited time to live a life that meant nothin only to be more of a waste than it alredy is.b/c of me being arrested 8 times in less than 4 months,especially the ones that ive meantioned above being unresloved,i would be sentenced to incarseration...and there's nothing anything can be done.no one is hear to help me out of this,this was all meant to be...

April 29th 2009...can it be my last day of freedom?can fate stop being a bitch and give me just one chance in trying to prove this fucked up universe o how much of a better person i can be;being a somebody;somebody who wont inflict pain on everyone around me?i try not to think abotu the end,but the end seems so much real...but if this is what fate wants,then i must be locked up,for those who i thought cared for me...or will i be able tolive much more longer
i know i had suicidal impulses before,but i never wanted to kill myself this bad before,but what good would that do?
...
so...what will become of me?
do i deserve to be free,to try and heal everything and risk further destruction,to spend a seemlesly endless frame of restriant behind bars,or dead to not have to suffer from it all?
...
.........

2nd year

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:34:16 -0000

my previous blogs are ones of sadness and dismay b/c those are all true events (except the one i bashed my face into a mirror)
this one is the first somewhat cheerful blog post ive typed in a long time

anyways...ive been on imeem for 2 years now.when i first heard of this site,i didnt know what to expect.as the months passed by,i grew attached to it...the people that ive encountered,the songs i found,the fun i had...it was all here.it eventually became my second life...i life i cant live without.
everyone on my friends list and "imeem family" i care bout deeply...the ones who accepted me...the ones who talked to me when i needed to...and the ones i fell in love with.

another thing is "why i chose to write this blog today"...
well today is important to me...
it was the day i first met Tiffany...the love of my life...
we've been through alot as friends and even more as a couple...it still astonishes me how long we lasted and i love her more everyday.

i want to type more...but im too emotional to do so...
...
leave a comment if you want...
i love all of you

Poll - favorite dessert? (comment flavor if desired)

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:08:04 -0000

Gameking64...the Scapegoat

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 20:23:50 -0000

....everything bad that has happened in life...all happened b/c i am to blame for everything....the destruction of my home...the thining of my relationship...everything and everyone i care about is disapearing....and its all my fault
*looks into a mirror*
somebody once told me long ago "can you look into the mirror and say you want that person to die?"
here's my answer... *bashes my face into it*
its my fault that i decided to cut myself,leading me into that hospital....
its my fault for letting ppl into my house,making my mom the bitch that she is to day
*picks up a mirror shard*
its my fault i lost that Wii....preventing my family from being happy with me around
*slashing my self with the shard*
its my fault for placing my emotions for others,seeing other girls while still with her...making her turn away from me
............
*holds the shard to my neck*
...thats why i cant be left alive...b/c all i do is fuck up my own life and bring others down with me...*begins to cry*
...if i eliminate myself...everyone would be happier...they will forget that i died in time and this world would be a better place......
*presses the shard as deep as i can*
....if you can convince me that im not a screw-up....i may give life a 15th chance....but im done with giving my lifer a chance...b/c nothing i do would make it better..................

Slight Failure

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:13:41 -0000

...i wasnt on in the last couple of days b/c i was arrested for falling asleep on a train.I was with Jose,but they let him go b/c h didnt hae any identification,so they didnt screen him for our DAT,but me instead.The moment those cuffs were on my wrist...i felt that alli have strugled for to leave NewYork came to an end.

After sleeping a day in the Central Bookings in Brooklyn,i was called to see a judge...and my case took less than 30seconds(assholes).I looked at the end of the courtroom to see Jose with my stuff (b/c my arresting officer ordered him to).As i walked up to him,a little boy walked up to me...it took me a few seconds to realize it was my little brother,Nicholas with my mom standing at the end of the bench.i felt like killing my self at that one moment b/c i was scared of what she was going to do to me,b/c she hasnt seen me in over a week and i left with my Wii and 14games,so coming back home empty handed was a serious let down.I gave her as little info as posible,she still has yet to find out my plan to go to Marietta and finall make my life better.I didn go to school or anywhere much the next day,and i feel ad if i cant escape...all i hoped for,dreamed for...to live a happy sucsessful life...a life with my beloved girlfriend...something worth waking up for...

i asked myself every hour since i was released...did i fail?do i still have a chance in being with her in reality?will i be happy here if i did fail?
i still want to go....me and Fallen are halfway there...i will do whatever it takes to escape this hell...but im not sure if escaping the second time would be any easier......

Looking for a Home pt5

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 15:40:52 -0000

yea,im starting over this series in my life b/c im living on the streets with Jose and we gots no money
we're risking our lives just to be alive and make it to Ohio...
but i cant help but wonder...is this all worth it?
Fallen is taking forever to get the money,ACS is on our asses and every shelter denied our entry...
if you have any ideas on how we cal live on the streets for another week or so or if you can wire us some money,please leave a comment on this blog...b/c im not sure how long this is going to take
and Tiffany,if youre reading this...please know that nothing will stop me from coming there...youre the only thing that keeps me alive......

Escape From NewYork pt3

◇Gameking64,the Great Elemental Arch-Angel of Melancholy (Rayquaza-DX) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 15:20:50 -0000

The plan i sworking a bit slow...Fallen didnt get the money in time,Jose cant live in the shelter b/c of his mom,an ACS might put me back in my house.I stole my Wii from there and got it stolen in the shelter by some dude names "Butter" (lol,wtf).
Emancipation may be an option,getting our parents arrested is another...but no matter what,we're going to Marietta......